Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Poetry Thursday 50 - Golf

Golf Trash
1. The devil created it. I haven’t researched the history of golf’s origin. Some things are just self-evident.
2. Conservatives created it so fat cats could show off their fancy golf clothes at the country club.
3. Lib Dems created it for wannabee fat cats who can flog themselves to death coming second to the real thing!
3. Labour created it so that even the lowliest commoner would have a source of eternal consternation and employment as a caddy.
4. The only known use for a one iron is to self-inflict a frontal lobotomy.
5. It is a mental game. We already have enough mental patients.
6. It is dangerous. Between 2001 – 2006 6 people were murdered and 5 committed suicide on USA courses
7. Professional golfers are aliens. i have watched some of them play what they call golf. If they were really playing golf, they would hit the ball sideways.
8. It is more boring to watch than cricket.
9. It is too much like life. I already have 100,000 Indie writers to critique my efforts. Why would I pay for the privilege of inviting more abuse?
10. It is played outside. The location makes it almost impossible to blog while golfing. Also the beauty of the surroundings belies the sinister nature of the pursuit.



Is it a game or is it a sport
an activity daring you to achieve what you ought.
Violently attacking something small and white
with similar ended sticks – but not quite!

Play on your own or in small sets
on the result you may place your bets.
Frustration can lead to heart attacks
littering the links with players on their backs.

Professional golfers from outer space
can hit the ball to a certain place.
A skill no ordinary human can achieve
irrespective of the fishing lies they weave.

A long walk spoiled by following a ball
in a direction not intended at all.
An enterprise of alien created agony
or is it an opportunity for healthy bonhomie?
©David L Atkinson February 2013

God Bless