Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Writing - A challenge - Top 5?

Top 5 Animals Round the House

We all have animals in and around our houses. Some of them are invited and then there are the others.

1.      Spiders
Why do I place these amazing creatures at the top of my list? The fact is they are the most maligned and misunderstood creatures. The spider is first and foremost a hunter killer. If you are a person who worries about creepy crawlies and other vile and malodorous creatures that do such things as throwing up on your food then sucking it all back up again, then you should champion the cause of the spider. This eight-legged predator is amazingly able in setting traps and killing its prey then draining the struggling carcass of their vital juices. If it has one drawback then it must be its reluctance to clean up after itself!

2.      Dogs
Then you have the animals that you have invited into your home. One of the most common is the dog. Now as much as I love dogs they are basically gullible even to the extent of stupidity! People choose a breed, or if afflicted with social conscience, gets a rescue dog, and then trains them. This task can produce an obedient and rewarding companion. Well that’s the theory. Dogs are really good at learning behaviours at the offering of a biscuit or similar treat. So they can be totally confusing and confused if their human isn’t consistent. The application of simple rules and regular rewards will provide the human with a wonderful companion.

3.      Cats
Then of course there are cats. They look so sweet and gentle as kittens with the right level of ‘ah’ factor to get them into your home. But then! In truth the saying ‘dogs have owners and cats have staff’ is so accurate. It doesn’t matter what you try to do with a cat, and I’ve even seen humans trying to walk them on a lead, they will only comply if there is something in it for them. Cats are almost as good at hunting and killing as spiders but at least the latter is as described on the tin! Cats are devious, arrogant, aloof and merciless. Humans can only make friends with a cat by not looking directly into its eyes. Even regular treats and food will not endear the calculating beast to you for if on its travels it finds some gullible human who puts out better quality food than you, it’s gone!

4.      Wasps
Now these are probably the most pointlessly annoying creatures God ever invented.  They buzz, they build enormous nests which they then leave behind, and they sting. Even the elegantly efficient spider isn’t keen. In many ways they are the bullies of the insect world. Oh I know that bees sting but only as a last resort. No wasps sit and sharpen their evil poison dipped needle waiting to inject any living creature that gets in their way. They are rather like gangsters sweeping away anyone who gets in their way and as such need to be exterminated.

5.      Slugs
Now you may be thinking at this point that David has lost the plot as these creatures, almost as equally pointless as the wasp, live in the garden. Don’t you believe it! They live where they can. In fact you could be forgiven for believing that these singularly unattractive beasts were surreptitiously trying to invade human dwellings and there are millions of the bloody things. It has been recently shown, by scientific investigation, that they are considerably more cunning than we first thought. First of all they travel in convoy using each other’s slime trail to move more rapidly, and they will go anywhere for food including into your house. If you look around the lower part of your door frame, under the ‘Welcome’ mat and even if you don’t see the beast itself there will be a tell-tale glistening of the trail it has left.
The only saving grace is the creatures’ love of beer, something which they and I have in common!

God Bless